Unearthing Grace

2012-01-01T05:42:00.001-08:00

Happy 2012!
This is going to be a beautiful year.

2011-09-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

Adam took some fantastic pictures Friday night of Lewis and Allison swimming, and I want to share a few of them. The last is my favorite picture ever, I think!

Flowers, Monty's 8th Birthday and My Silly Boys

2011-09-08T18:57:00.001-07:00

I'm Done With My Thesis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-09T11:52:00.001-07:00

And now I just have to wait for approval to continue. I sent the completed draft to the Graduate Department at BSU and requested one more extension (my first ran up in May) to defend the thesis and finalize forms, paperwork, etc. The coursework is done, my last comprehensive exam finished, this weight finally off of my shoulders. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. I can write for fun again!

Prairie Home Companion Lulls Lew to Sleep

2011-08-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

2011-05-24T18:24:00.000-07:00

Today was my last day of work for awhile. I am so much in need of rejuvination, and I feel like now is my best chance to make some positive changes. Including...getting back to writing on this blog. Writing in general. I hardly do it anymore, and certainly not creatively.

Anyway. I was just looking at pictures and some new videos I finally uploaded, and....I lost my train of thought.

Lewis had an ear infection in each year last week, and that plus teething plus a bad diaper rash made him such a grumpy baby. (Well, I guess it's no wonder.) He's been so happy for the last few days, though, it's fantastic. So fun to see him laughing and curious again and not just throwing his whole body down hard on the floor and crying, and then whining.

Here's a picture of Lew with his gloves and then a video from tonight, before his bath.

Lew's Baptism, Easter, Playing Outside, and Dressing Up for a Wedding

2011-05-04T18:53:00.001-07:00

Conversation With Random Kid Who's Just Crashing at My Neighbor's House

2011-04-29T18:50:00.001-07:00

Random kid is playing his guitar in the front yard, facing the street.

Me: I like the music!
Kid: Yeah, I was trying to play stuff I thought you guys'd like.
Me: Cool. I've been in and out, though. What are you playing?
Kid: Old shit.

Nice.

Baby's First Haircut

2011-04-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

I know I put way more pictures on here than are necessary to give one an idea of the experience, but I just love the succession. First the mullet, then all of Lew's sweet expressions as he (so bravely) gets his hair cut :)

Some Very Belated Birthday Pictures

2011-04-14T04:15:00.000-07:00

2011-03-28T18:37:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. Not sure whether to be funny here or admit that I'm a little embarrassed about this sequence of photos. Perhaps Lewis should never have chocolate cake ever again.

Happy Birthday Lew!

2011-03-26T17:59:00.001-07:00

His birthday was on the 24th, but today was a party. He likes cake a lot. More pictures and reflections to come :)

Lewis Walks!

2011-03-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

It's already Lewis's first birthday Thursday! It's absolutely amazing to me how many changes a person goes through in the first year ---- . What a privilege to get to witness it.
And, exactly one year after my due date (St. Patrick's Day), Lewis took his first real series of steps. Here he is a couple of days later.

Colorado

2011-03-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

The trip to Colorado was so nice. It was short, but for two days I got to spend time with family and be in warm, sunny air. Kelly and Erik's wedding was beautiful, with some very original touches (like different sands mixed together instead of a unity candle) - it will be so memorable for them. I'm very grateful I was able to be there.

2011-03-06T16:59:00.000-08:00

Lewis has a "busy baby face" (as Adam puts it) all the time these days. He especially likes music and the CD players/radios.

2011-02-28T17:46:00.000-08:00

I am too tired to do anything tonight but sip a little chicken noodle soup and then go to bed. Less than four hours of sleep two nights in a row......brutal for me. But I will most certainly be writing about my trip to Colorado! It was a really great weekend.

2011-02-23T17:30:00.001-08:00

Books

2011-02-23T15:33:00.000-08:00

I've been reading more lately, which is a good thing for me. I think about all of the things I'd call my "hobbies" and how few of them I actually do anymore (like dancing, singing, writing, photography......... .) Reading is something I love; it's good for my soul, especially if it's the right book. I finished Hector and the Search for Happiness and enjoyed it. I read David Sedaris's Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk in a day (I'm not amazing; it's a quick read and very funny. With illustrations.), and am now on Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver. I immediately loved this book and am very glad that it's long. I love this author's stuff and had somehow missed this one (maybe because it's so long), but.....it's the perfect time for it.

I'm heading to Colorado on Friday! I can hardly believe it's already here and that it will be such a quick trip - I am back late Sunday night. I will get to see aunts and uncles and cousins, my grandma, and my brother for my cousin Kelly's wedding. It will a good time, I am sure.

Time for Lew's dinner. Happy middle-of-the-week.

2011-02-20T17:09:00.000-08:00

1) Dark chocolate with mint
2) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3) Subway subs and cookies
4) A talk with my grandpa and my dad
5) A letter from Jessica
6) Walking around Home Depot and looking at paint for the entryway and laundry area
7) Basie
8) Candle, wine, bath, iPod
9) Seeing Jonathan, David, Brock and Seth this weekend
10) Nice comments on my blog from friends

2011-02-17T18:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight I'm grateful for a good talk with a co-worker. I've been feeling lonely and withdrawn lately, and it was so good to just talk to someone. Especially because I dislike the phone, it was long overdue.
I am also grateful tonight that I survived the wind on my drive home. It was insane. I think there's something wrong with my headlights, too, or else the blowing snow was just that bad at points. Come ON, spring.

On the radio yesterday

2011-02-15T17:51:00.000-08:00

I heard Mr. Bojangles! I love that song and hadn't heard it in years. That's today's beautiful thing.

Tonight I Love

2011-02-14T16:26:00.000-08:00

that there's so much going on in our house in the evenings, we can't even get a clear photograph... :)

P.S.

2011-02-13T12:04:00.000-08:00

Check out What I'm Reading. I'm only a couple of chapters in, but I think I will love it and benefit if I put forth a little effort............... . It's by this psychiatrist who seems like he's damn good at what he does. He realizes that so many people just aren't happy - people who have no real disorders but are just "dissatisfied". So he goes on a trip around the world to discover just what it is that makes people happy. --- . Nice. Therapy for the price of one book, perhaps.
*Actually, it's the fictional character "Hector" who takes a trip around the world. But the author has traveled rather extensively, and, well - it's his voice. Hector is Francois's creation. So to me it may as well be real.
We'll see. I'll report back after a few more chapters.

The Being Positive Project

2011-02-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

I'm really going to try to be more positive. I've been awful lately, and of course I can come up with a lot of excuses, but....................... it's not good. I feel horrible. So I'm back on this blog, and I'm going to focus on finding beautiful things every day. Things I'm grateful for, things that make me smile, that make me think - whatever. And today's is this picture of Lewis with his "Yoshi", his "Stride to Ride" dinosaur that he LOVES SO MUCH. "I'm walking with my friendly dinosaur, oh what fun just listen to him roar!....................... Roar, Roar, Roar."

Another happy thing: I went to "A Prairie Home Companion" last night here in Bemidji. I was surprised by just how much I enjoyed it. We got there later than I'd wanted but it ended up being perfect: We were up on the walkway above the bleachers, looking for somewhere to sit, when Garrison Keillor came walking up the steps right toward us! So I was close enough to touch him (I didn't), and it was awesome. I was so starstruck, and I even got teary-eyed at points because I can't imagine life without him and his show, or without public broadcasting in general (a topic for another time). Our television is upstairs, and we really don't watch much of it because the area is nowhere near baby proofed. Instead, we listen to MPR in the evenings and often catch Garrison Keillor and "Prairie Home" or "Writer's Almanac". It's such a comforting thing for me, especially GK's voice. I feel very fortunate to have seen a live performance of his show.

I already feel a bit better after writing this entry. I'll return soon. Good luck to all of you with February. And Happy Valentine's Day :)

2010-12-23T11:59:00.000-08:00

Christmas already? More than once this season I've teared up, thinking about how a year ago I was pregnant, wondering about the little being inside of me. It's Lew! It was him.

Today I have a day to myself. I lounged around, drinking coffee and looking at the tree lights. I took a long shower, thought about what I was going to wear instead of half-asleep putting something on, and read National Geographic. I got my hair cut, had some wine and food at Brigid's Cross with Adam, ate chocolate and took a bath. Listened to music. What a day! Tonight Lewis will open a present from his Great Aunt Ter, open a stocking gift (a Christmas book), and sleep. Tomorrow we will go to Grand Forks and spend Christmas with Adam's family. How lucky we are for so many loving people in our lives.

I hope whatever you do these next few days, you feel happy and loved!

8 Months Old!

2010-11-24T04:35:00.000-08:00

Randomness

2010-11-22T18:05:00.000-08:00

Some of these pictures make me nostalgiac for grass. Already. First major snowstorm of the year today..... . It was really quite bad, driving from RL to Bemidji, but it could've been because I didn't make sure to get all of the ice off my wipers before I left. I think ice would've found its way onto them anyway, though, but regardless............. I spent most of the hour+ drive either on my tiptoes or leaned waaaaaaay over to the right, peering through tiny little spaces where there weren't plates of ice on the windshield. Stressful.

The pictures ---- . One is of my mom and me at the beginning of October, at a Franciscan retreat in Prior Lake. It's wonderful there, and we (my aunt was with us, too) had a great time. Another pic is of a strange row of mushrooms that showed up in our front yard. The photograph doesn't do the system justice...........there must've been thirty of them. Odd, but cool.

I'm praying for good weather Thursday, as I'm sure many of us are who need to travel. Seems sketchy, though, so.......we'll see.

Goodnight!

Grandpa Mike and Uncle Aaron Visit!

2010-11-14T12:19:00.000-08:00

And the four boys are watching the Vikings game right now. It's quite cute.

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T13:54:00.000-07:00

Lew just woke up so this won't be as long as I'd like, but ------- it's a good day. I have my pink hair on, Adam is upstairs with his friends watching the Vikings hopefully not lose, Monty's being neurotic and there's an OBnoxious screaming ghost hanging in our front yard and yelling out every other minute, "TRICK OR TREAT! BWAA HA HA HA. BOOOO! GRRRRR.". Or a variation of that with a Happy Halloween thrown in.

We were Team Zissou from The Life Aquatic this year. Adam, Jonathan and I went out to dinner and then bowling Friday night - Lew even got dressed up for the occassion. If you haven't seen the movie, check it out ....... I think it's awesome. Lew was also a pumpkin. Kind of a typical baby Halloween costume, but I found it at Goodwill so had to take advantage. He napped in it today, anyway, which is good since we won't be going trick-or-treating this year. He's had fun, though. He and my mom came up to see me in RL Friday, so he got to see where I work and meet my students. They were so good and sweet with him! And Lewis ------ what an easy-going baby. Was passed around probably a hundred times, to kids with painted faces and costumes, and he didn't even bat an eye. Just wide-eyed and taking it all in.

Whatever you're doing today, I hope you're enjoying yourself!

We've Got a Crawler!

2010-10-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

Yikes. But of course I'm so proud of Lewis (who's also seven months old today!), and it's amazing to watch the progress he continues to make. He isn't speeding around yet, but he can crawl a few feet before falling on his face. It's adorable. And he's reaching up for things, as you can see. "He wants what he wants," as Adam says. He especially wants books and magazines, to put in his mouth. I am afraid, in fact, that he might have thrown his first mini-tantrum yesterday when I wouldn't let him gnaw on a magazine. But he's just so curious and happy. Such a joy.

MEA!

2010-10-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

(Minnesota Education Association.) It's actually called something else now and I forget what, but whatever it is there's a conference the next two days in the Cities. Does anyone (my fellow teachers) know someone who's actually attending? The teachers I know (yes, definitely me included) are just so grateful for the break. :) I'm not sure what I'm doing but it's fun to figure it out. Aaaahhh.
My dinner's ready. Need to go. Happy Wednesday!

2010-10-14T20:11:00.000-07:00

I intended to write something substantial tonight, but ------ it's not going to happen. But probably this weekend I will. I'll post some pictures, at least - one from our picnic last Saturday, a BEAUTIFUL mid-October day, and the other I couldn't resist. The boys. Dinner. :)

2010-09-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

I was just messing around with my camera (covering the flash on this one) - how cool is this picture?!

What a great day it's been. I woke up at 5:00 and couldn't get back to sleep, but I decided to take an early-morning bath and it was marvelous. After the 5:00 wake-up, Lew slept until 7, so I had some nice alone time. Adam, Lew and I went to The Cabin later on, and through a fortuitious series of events, I ended up at the Billy Collins reading/poetry "maneuvers" discussion. I haven't felt this energized in awhile, after hearing poetry and theory from such a tremendous poet, and then getting to shake his hand after he signed my book. A good day. Very good. Heading for a walk now in the beautiful fall weather. So glad to have a relaxing weekend.

Old Man Sweater

2010-09-21T15:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how long it's been. Lew is six months old on Friday. School has been an adjustment, and daycare, and not getting to sleep as long as I want, and just being a parent in general. It's amazing how different life is in so many ways, yet I still feel like myself. It's just that I feel frustrated more often about a lot of things, not least of all the fact that someone else is spending the day with Lewis and then giving me a sheet about the highlights. (At least I get a sheet. That's good. This current daycare is in Blackduck, though, an extra thirty-five minutes at least on top of an already very long drive.)

I'll try to write more later. I need to feed Lewis some peas. I'm glad he likes peas because I certainly don't, so---maybe he won't be as fussy as his mommy. :)

Ok. Goodnight!

Matching Outfits!

2010-08-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

Monty had some plaid pants on too but refused to be photographed. (No. He didn't. I can't believe I have to clarify, but - we've made Monty do some crazy things.)
Blogger is denying me paragraphs today and it drives me too crazy to leave alone, so.... that's why I'm using the obnoxious yellow. It makes me feel better.

I'm heading to Target with Lew. I think I will buy him a Johnny Jumper thing because I want to wear him out during the day. I want him to be a champion sleeper. As of now, he is waking approx. four times a night. Noooooooooooooooooooooo. That's not going to work for me once school starts. He is legitimately hungry a lot of those wake-ups, though, so I have to figure out a way to get him to eat more during the day. He's just so excited about life, and curious. Easily distracted.

So often I don't know how to end a post. Maybe I'll start ending with a "moment of zen", like The Daily Show. Theirs is something ironic, usually, but mine will probably be serious and stolen from my Buddhist reminders book. I'm not Buddhist, but I like a lot of the principles.

Except I can't find it now. So I'll leave something from my Everyday Positive Thinking book that's right in front of me, begging to be utilized..... :

Act as if anything you desire is already here. Believe that all that you seek you've already received, that it exists in spirit, and know you shall have your desires filled. (Dr. Wayne Dyer)

5 Months Old!

2010-08-24T06:12:00.000-07:00

2010-08-22T16:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't felt much like writing even if I've had the chance. I am starting back to work and it's exhausting me, physically and emotionally. I know it'll get easier. I just wish I actually had a choice, to work or not, to have my son in daycare or not. It used to be that way still for many of our parents' generation - I was lucky to have my mom home with my brother and me. Daycare can provide many positive things for a child, I know, but ----- it just doesn't feel right to me to hand Lewis over to someone I only very slightly know, someone who is not family and cannot possibly love this little boy half as much as I do. But --- maybe she will. Love him. I just feel unnerved and paranoid and panicky. I think I would feel this way no matter whom he was with during the day, outside of family. I need to trust that this will pass and that I won't continue to have obsessive thoughts about him choking on a toy car or suffering any number of other crazy disasters.

I don't want to end on that note, but I don't have a lot else to say. I need a good night's sleep........................ .

A good thing about today: I had a delicious Heath ice cream bar. They are my favorite.

2010-08-10T17:55:00.001-07:00

I've been watching This American Life the last few evenings, and tonight I had a great moment, a "text to text" connection as we like to say to our students :) In the book I just finished (My Life As An Experiment, A.J. Jacobs), the author does one experiment a chapter (he spends a month committing to "unitasking", he poses nude for a magazine, he goes undercover as a woman, a few others - ), describing what he did and reflecting on it. One chapter is called "Radical Honesty", where he vows to only tell the truth, including saying whatever pops into his head. (yeah, like Liar, Liar). He interviews a guy who lives by this and wrote a book on the topic, Brad Blanton - a man who ran for a Senate seat, actually. (Of course in the interview the hot-button topics like sex and drugs come up. Turns out Blanton has slept with 'more than 500 women and about a half a dozen men'.) So, anyway. Tonight on This American Life, one of the "acts" was about this guy! It was neat, especially to get some of the gaps from the book (since it was just a short chapter) filled in.
Adam and I are in love with This American Life. I'm sad because I think there are only a couple of episodes left.....don't think it went beyond the second season. Maybe. I need to check it out. I want to start listening to the show in the evenings, though - would hate to see radio shows die out.

2010-07-31T20:25:00.000-07:00

I'm reading The Blue Jay's Dance right now and loving it. I think Louise Erdrich is such a good writer --- so specific and original in her details (specific...details. redundant?!). She is also incredibly honest about how she perceives events and can evoke strong emotion with just a phrase. Here's something I read today, the first in this book that really inspired me to put it here to share:
(She's just been reflecting on the old house she lives in and its "ghosts", and how she doesn't want to leave her sad stories there. "No," she writes, "that will not be the story told here.")

Blind will without direction. Stubborn and insufficient love. Bewildering love. Helpless and devouring love of children. Forged love, married love, love that starts molten and throughout its life must be thrown back into the fire, reshaped, restored. Sometimes a vase, a startling beast, a perfect shoe, there is no predicting the raw shape of love when it drops from the burning mold. Married passion is a quest, in the end, and the lovers are its heroes, fighting along the way demons of their own making and of others, changing identities, carving their initials into each other's hearts.

2010-07-29T09:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday (Mom's birthday!), Dad and Mom came to visit us. We talked, played with Lewis and had a BBQ --- a fantastic day. It was so nice out, too. Thank you guys so much for making the trip!

Today my main goal is to clean our bedroom --- it's acted as the catch-all for everything else, and it's not at all enjoyable to be in anymore. I feel so much more stress when our house is cluttered, but I don't like cleaning so things have been hard. :)

First, though (ah - here's an example of my problem - I love to do anything else), I'm taking Lewis for a walk. Plenty of time left in the day!

2010-07-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days that felt really long and tough for no good reason. Lew was cranky because he had shots today at his 4-month appointment, so that didn't help, plus it was so hot. I hate hot and humid summer days.....much more a spring and fall person.

Last night Adam and I, for our date, saw Inception. A cool movie but I'm glad I didn't let my mind wander (as can happen!) because it's quite complex. I'm surprised I liked it because it's not my kind of movie, necessarily. It's an interesting concept, playing with dreams and planting ideas, creating whole worlds. Reminds me, in a way, of Waking Life. I haven't seen that in so long but remember being simultaneously awed and freaked out by it.

Lew's awake. Need to start teaching him to fall asleep on his own but haven't been up to that yet... . Certainly tonight's not the night.

I'll end with a joke that a co-worker told me at school when I was having a very bad day:

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The cold shoulder.

Lew's Four-Month Birthday, and Raspberries

2010-07-24T18:29:00.001-07:00

Today Adam and I got spontaneous and went raspberry picking. Four miles from our house, on a cute little farm with red and white wooden, crafty directional signs, there are more raspberry bushes than I'd ever imagined in one place. I'd never been berry picking, I'm actually somewhat surprised to realize. How, after thirty years in Minnesota? Has anyone else around here not been berry picking?
Anyway. It was charming. It felt revitalizing to have a new experience, to do something we normally just talk about as "probably pretty cool - we should do that." We've just been so tired! But this was fantastic, getting carted on a wooden trailer behind a 4-wheeler and dropped off in front of a whole row of neck-high, prickly green bushes just covered with giant berries, some dark, purplish red and others nearly orange, still so young.
So ~~~ it was cool, the raspberry picking. I want to do it again in the next week now that I know what to expect. We weren't too equipped for Lewis - forgot his diaper bag in the car and didn't bring the stroller - but he still did well. He is very interested in everything, and alert. He has these equal sides of his personality: quiet, wide-eyed, somber, thinking, taking everything in, --- just deep in the moment. Then, he's smiling with his whole body, crinkling up his nose, absolutely shining in his eyes and twisting his arms, scrunching his shoulders with delight. Open-mouthed kisses back at us, open mouth smile, open mouth when he laughs... . This is truly a fun age, four months.

The pictures are of us on the farm, and then the last one is a picture I found of Adam's -. He's planning to blog about the Jack London book he just finished, one he really loved, and so he took a picture of Lewis holding it. Adam used to have Monty hold the books that were up for review! Poor Monty. Monty still gets the whole couch, though, so ---- it's not all bad for him.

Going to head upstairs and watch tv for awhile as long as Lewis is in bed. I should be sleeping every precious second I get, but ---- wow. Of course I need some time to just be me, not either constantly around a baby (he doesn't nap) or asleep.

Grandma Connie is coming to visit tomorrow! I think that also means there's a date in my future :)

2010-07-23T17:11:00.000-07:00

Says Sylvia Plath: "There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them."
Amen.
Am heading to take one myself. Adam's got the imminent Lewis Wake-Up with a bottle.
Aaaaahhh.

2010-07-22T18:01:00.000-07:00

Good news: Lewis is well on his way to becoming a reader. Besides hiding behind them, he is especially adept at jamming the books as far into his mouth as they will go.

Highlights of the Day

2010-07-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

1. It was Day One of a new routine Adam and I are starting. I worked during the morning and Adam spent time with Lewis, we "met" for lunch, and then Adam worked for the afternoon. Here's a picture of our upstairs workspace:

2. Adam dressed Lewis in clothes that were way too big. I was working upstairs and heard Adam just start laughing. He's got a sense of humor about these kinds of things, and - luckily! - so did I today. :)

3. Lewis spent some time in his Bumbo chair(Well, April's --- it's on loan:). He is trying to fling himself out of it backwards, though, so....he doesn't hang out here often.

4. Mark, Amanda and Avri stopped by while they were out for a bike ride. I wish I'd gotten a picture, because the babies (Avri is about ten months old) were so cute together!

5. Watched some of This Is It (Michael Jackson). I'm intrigued by this man who got so weird in so many ways but can still dance like a wicked fool. Impressive. And he doesn't seem like a jerk (so far in the movie, anyway) to the different crews. There was a moment you could tell he was angry, but he handled it very well I thought.

Anyway. I like the movie.

I think Lewis is in bed for the night so I'm going to get myself to sleep. Goodnight!

2010-07-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

I'd been doing so well at getting something posted nearly every day, but since I've been back from Florida ---- obviously I've relapsed. I think it's because there's so much I want to say about my trip, and to find the time for all of it is nearly impossible. Even now, Lewis is starting to cry. What can I say to sum everything up? Lewis had a bunch of firsts: swimming in the pool, going to the ocean (Gulf), rolling over (stomach to back), and eating rice cereal. Watching Nana and Lewis together, having time with Mom, re-connecting with RaeAnn.....it was all so incredible. Lewis did well on both flights but didn't sleep much during the week, so.... the good with the bad, right? All in all, it was a great trip.

Ok. Need to go. Hope everyone's well!

Florida!

2010-07-16T05:22:00.000-07:00

I don't have time to write anything yet but wanted to get something up, finally, from my trip. Hopefully later I'll get a chance to give some details. Happy Friday :)

Signing Off

2010-07-03T17:31:00.001-07:00

I'm leaving tomorrow for the epic Florida Trip With Lewis --- driving down to my brother's place in the Cities tomorrow and flying out to Tampa Monday morning. I am deciding to play it cool so that Lewis doesn't pick up on any nervousness/tension. Wish me luck.

Lewis has a couple of new tricks: He can grab stuff and then play with it, and he can almost roll over.

Here's the plant Adam and I got with our "July Bucks".

And....here's the center plant! It is pink, and delightful. And there will a bunch more, it looks like.

I'll maybe get a chance to write from Florida. Otherwise - I'll write next week. Au revoir!

Any Day Now

2010-07-02T08:31:00.000-07:00

I love having something to anticipate. These center flowers are starting, slowly, to bloom. I think they'll be pink. I also love having this garden that I can use. The other night I made lemon grass tea, which was SO good, and last night I used some sweet woodruff (galium) leaves for a tea. I don't think I steeped them long enough, but still the effect was very good ---- subtle and lightly sugary.

The greenhouse Adam and I like gave away "July Bucks" in May, so....now we can use them! We're going in a little bit to choose something. I'll post a picture of it later.

2010-07-01T19:12:00.000-07:00

I think they're starting to become friends.

2010-06-30T19:19:00.000-07:00

Here we are a couple of weeks ago at Bemidji State Park. Trips are super-crazy when we add Monty into the mix, but hey --- we've got to once in awhile, the poor little doggie. Demoted, for sure, but taking it like a man. He's been so good to Lewis. It really is like he knows, knows that Lewis is special, that he is another one of Monty's "people". How precious.

I did get to work in my garden last night! I took some pictures but still need to upload them, so I'll share tomorrow the beautiful red flowers (verbena) I planted, and the way everything is getting so much bigger/fuller. The rain has been amazing as far as the gardens go.

We got new windows put in today, too! Lots going on. Our bedroom and Lewis's got them, and it's already so fantastic to be able to -- open the windows. Sounds simple. One of those things you take for granted, I guess, because we haven't been able to open them since the fall. But now ---- glorious.

Four days until my Florida trip! I haven't even mentioned it, I now realize. Maybe because I'm scared to death of it just as much as I'm excited.... ! I'm taking Lewis to meet my grandma, his Great-Nana Grace. I'm traveling with my mom and RaeAnn ---- will be wonderful.
Big, Probably Obvious Concern: I'm taking Lewis on a plane. God. Does anyone have any advice or tips for me?

2010-06-29T18:38:00.000-07:00

I'm going outside soon to work in the gardens, and water them, and then sit by the campfire that Adam's getting started. This all seems like a huge effort to me right now, ten minutes after putting Lewis to sleep, after a day that didn't allow me to sit except while breastfeeding and in the car to run some errands. But I know I will be so glad I did it, got outside into the fresh air and the dirt and smoke from the fire.

Ugh. Except that I hear Lewis so who knows now. Lewis is such an erratic sleeper. He slept through the night for about a week - such a teaser - but is now waking a few times a night again. I'm so tired but know I can't keep using that as an excuse. I believe it now, the things we hear about parents not really sleeping well until their kids have graduated. Maybe that's extreme, but....I guess it just feels right now like it could be true.

Adios.

2010-06-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

Congratulations, Melissa and Tim!

2010-06-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

The weekend was so wonderful. Besides getting to marry one of my best friends (as in, I officiated her wedding!), I got to see my good friends Laurie and Pete. We all had so much fun. Here's a pic of Melissa, Laurie and me at the reception. The three of us were together one summer in a very small poetry class, and we clicked right away. I'm so, so glad we've kept up and are continuing to strengthen our friendship.

I'm afraid to believe it, but Lewis might be asleep for the night. I need to not miss my chance to take a bath, de-escalate a bit and get to bed early. Such a great weekend, but I'm exhausted!

I hope all of you had a good weekend as well - .

2010-06-24T15:12:00.000-07:00

Lewis is three months old today! It is truly amazing to see how much he has already changed.

I need to shower and then give Lewis his bath, and then some food. I want to start his bedtime routine a little earlier than usual because I'm going out tonight for Melissa's bachelorette party! I'm excited to hang out with other friends of Melissa's, and maybe dance a little? Whatever we end up doing, I'm sure it will be fun. Hopefully I gain some energy in the next couple of hours...!

My Herb Garden

2010-06-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

Everything has flourished in the last month thanks to the rain. I am particularly interested in the center flower, which is just about ready to bloom. I will post a picture when it does! Supposedly it's going to be pink ----- we shall see.

Cleaning Party

2010-06-22T19:07:00.001-07:00

When you don't feel like doing something but have to, why not try to make it seem appealing? A party. Hmmm. That sounds like fun.

So I can't write tonight because of this little soiree, but I will post two pictures from the day. The first is from lunch, a trip with Adam and Lewis to Brigid's Cross. The second is from my time with Melissa, who met Lewis for the first time today and ------ is getting married Saturday! Woo-hoo. Happy things going on.

So Many Firsts

2010-06-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

Besides meeting his great-grandma Val for the first time, Lewis reached for a toy and grasped it and he made a perfect surprise "O" face when I snuck in on him yesterday morning. Two great parts of a wonderful weekend in Grand Forks with Adam's family. It's so nice to be someplace else for awhile....it's amazing how easy it is to relax when there's nothing immediately in front of you to do. At home there's always something that needs to be done, and even if you give yourself permission to relax, of course it's still there. You technically could be doing it, so pure and total relaxation is basically not possible. Thank God for parents' houses :) Both last weekend with my family and this one with Adam's, we got delicious food made for us and other various kindnesses shown. So nice.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the last few days:

Here's Lewis with his grandma Connie, daddy and great-grandma Val. Those eyes! We looked at some baby pictures of Adam ----- the same eyes. Adorable!

The Bjerk Boys! Uncle Aaron and Grandpa Mike, Adam and Lewis.

Part of the Father's Day Present Photo Shoot :)

happy father's day

2010-06-20T17:21:00.000-07:00

i'm holding lewis with my left arm and he's gnawing on that hand so i'm one-key-at-a-time-...ing? this. just ate thai egg rolls and a glass of white zin at green mill with adam and jonayhan. than - ha! have a beautiful round table in our house now. it is sunny and warm. goodnight and god bless our fathers.

One More Thing

2010-06-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

I found this while working on Adam's gift, and I think it is so beautiful that I have to share it:

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." -Elizabeth Stone

I Don't Like Trying To Come Up With Titles Late At Night

2010-06-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

I love when you comment! Thank you. Now I feel more of an obligation to post frequently....this is good. Already I feel that writing is coming more easily to me again, which is important since I still have to get my thesis done. I am so SICK of thinking about my thesis/worrying about it/talking about it, etc. The people closest to me are sick of it as well, I'm sure. So....I'm considering this my practice. Hopefully it will help.

Adam, Lewis and I are in Grand Forks, at Grandma Connie's. Tomorrow Lewis will meet his great-grandma Val, and Sunday he will see his grandpa Mike and uncle Aaron. So much love this little boy has.

I took a hot tub tonight for the first time in a year ----it was fantastic. It's so nice to feel closer to "myself" again, to be completely healed from the surgery and not SO exhausted all the time and just a little more comfortable being a mother. Just as Lewis is surrounded by love, so am I. It feels like not enough to say I am grateful, but ----- that's the only word I can think of right now. Grateful and fortunate.

I need to work a little on Adam's Father's Day present before bed. Some of it is out in the car and I don't feel like going out there right now, so that will wait until tomorrow night. I'll post some pictures, maybe, once he's seen it.

Happy weekend, everyone.

2010-06-17T21:15:00.001-07:00

It's been such a busy day, this is literally the first chance I've had to write. For some reason, Lewis was really fussy and just plain spastic at times...inconsolable once for about a half an hour, which has almost never happened - . I am wondering if he may be teething.... . I know it's early, but he's got a ton of the signs: drooling, gnawing on his hand, being irritable, waking again at night... . So, we'll see.

The Celtics lost. But what a great series, and how cool to have "my" team go to Game 7 of the final series. I'm sad it's all over for this year. I guess now I'll have to watch even more documentaries :) (By the way, I am almost done with This Film Is Not Yet Rated.... thank you, Andrea! Another very good one.)

A funny ending note: I actually picked up my journal today to write, and I paged through some of my [quite short] entries from the last couple of months. Here's my favorite, something that Adam said as we were putting away laundry: "You think normal socks disappear? Lewis socks are completely mysterious." Lewis socks. Yeah. Into thin air.

Wild Roses

2010-06-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

I got some wild roses today from someone I'd never met, a lady around the block, who'd just weeded her garden and ripped out some extra stuff. I planted them along our fence. I got some thorns stuck in my fingers, so I hope it was all worth it. May they not die. I'll post some pictures soon, but first I need to delete a bunch from my camera. I just don't, ever, so every time I load pictures it takes longer than necessary. Time is of the essence these days.

Adam's at a "neighborhood meeting" conducted by a former city council member, the sole purpose being to take the dogs away from a guy down the street. I am quite glad I couldn't make it (thank you sweet little Lew), but I'm dying to hear what happened. Adam's going to stick up for Steve and say that he needs a chance. I don't think Steve was even invited to this meeting. I have connected the dots and now realize that this woman, the former city council member/possibly former mayor, is the one who called the police on Monty last summer. Yes, Monty was barking ferociously from our front porch (Adam and I were on a walk), but I was mad that this person hadn't even tried to talk to us first. It was the first time we'd let that happen.

I lost my train of thought. It has arrived now, however, at the fact that cookies and ice cream are being served at the meeting. This strikes me as odd, given the circumstances.

I think Lewis is actually asleep. ! When this happens earlier than expected I am struck with a sort of panic, like "What do I do first?" Usually I do nothing, which is delightful.

Thursday already tomorrow. Crazy. Goodnight All.

2010-06-15T20:05:00.000-07:00

Ok. If I'm going to actually give this "one post a day" thing a shot, I need to write something in spite of the fact that I feel totally uncreative/drained/done. This is how I'm going to feel for awhile.

I'm nearly finished watching the Lakers beat the Celtics tonight. It's a sad situation. But at least there is one more game to watch in a very exciting series. Adam says they're done because it's very rare (possibly impossible/not yet been done) for a team to win on the road in Game 7. We'll see. As far as this game goes....I have to say that I've enjoyed watching the Lakers even though I'm rooting for the Celtics. They've had some beautiful dunks and passes and just in general look good.

I started Man on Wire. It's fantastic. Thank you, Julie, for the suggestion. I have been watching something on my computer every night pretty much since Lewis was born (because he takes forever to finish eating at night), hence the Weeds and Dexter obsession. I usually don't watch this much tv, but at night I want to keep lights off so Lewis more easily falls asleep, so reading is out plus I need something more mindless by that point...! Anyway, yeah. I do love documentaries. I feel less guilty about so much viewing when I'm learning something, for one thing.

I'm rambling, plus I need to get back upstairs and see if anything's changed with this basketball game.

2010-06-14T19:09:00.000-07:00

I really like the idea of blogging every day, whether with just a photo or a sentence or a story or whatever. A joke. An excerpt. But something. Now more than ever I am amazed by how fast time goes, and I want to be stopping often enough to appreciate all that's going on. For now ---- a short re-cap:

I went home last weekend for Timberdays. It was great to see my family, watch Matt play in the softball tournament, see old friends, go out and dance, and get together with a baby very close to Lewis's age! Melissa and I had the same due date, though Marin was born two weeks earlier than Lewis. Melissa and Josh brought Marin over to my parents' house, and Erin and Bill met us all there. It was really nice to catch up a little.

Today Adam and I brought Monty and Lewis to the state park. It was a nearly perfect time, except for the mosquitoes and a daddy longlegs that I accidentally smashed while I was eating. All else was fantastic. It's so green there! I love that there's such a place so close.

Documentaries I've Watched Because I'm All Out of Weeds and Dexter:

2010-06-14T18:42:00.001-07:00

I started a list on the right.
I love Netflix. I cannot believe how many interesting documentaries there are in this world --- and how many of those are "Play Instantly"! Awesome.

Adam's New Website!

2010-05-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

The website that Adam and the other St. Paul Media writers have been working so hard on is up --- ! Check it out, especially if you're having trouble with any pests so far this summer: http://www.simplepestcontrol.com/

Hope everyone's had a great weekend - .

A Couple More

2010-05-31T11:22:00.000-07:00

(It's tradition now for us cousins to wear our foam (or shiny) "PCB" [Panama City Beach] hats that our grandpa brought us from Florida. But only if we don't bend the rims at all. Grandpa is the only one whose hat actually says PCB. "He's like The Godfather," one of my cousins said Saturday. PCB hats. I love those little things that can become a way of bonding.)

Grandpa and his first great-grandchild, and his PCB hat

Putting in the dock/hanging out

Adam took this picture! There's a tiny nest along the edge of the cabin's porch. Three baby birds were waiting for their food, the parents probably waiting until we got out of the way ----- . So cool to see.

Kicking off the summer ---------

2010-05-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

Adam's sister and mom visited last weekend. Jessica lives in Virginia now and we don't get to see her often, so the time was extra special. We played a great movie trivia game, had a barbecue, went bowling, went for some walks, and laughed a lot. We always have fun when we get together.

Jessica and Adam got our corner garden planted, which kind of jump-started us (well, mostly Adam) to get the rest done. Pictures of those to come later - .

Saturday Adam and I brought Lewis up to the cabin for the day, his first time there! My uncles and their kids were there, and my dad and Matt, and my grandpa. The weather was beautiful, Dad barbecued a bunch of food, the guys put in our dock, the little boys were catching perch and crayfish, Adam was taking pictures of the creatures ("Are you a scientist?", little Drake asked Adam :). It was a fantastic day. It was so good, in fact, that I'll probably someday forget that Lewis cried pretty much the whole way home. (2 1/2 + hours...).

Four generations: Charles the II, Charles the III, me and Lewis Charles!

The whole crew! Much-loved relatives are missing, but it's more people than we've had up at the cabin in years. So much fun.

2010-05-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

Babies are such a nice way to start people. (Don Herold)

I am watching Lewis sit in his bouncy chair, concentrating so hard on the Tigger dangling in front of him and trying to hit it. He's succeeding probably about 80% of the time now, and it's just adorable. He is just staring at it, trying to understand exactly how he has the power to move it, I think. And getting frustrated when he misses. He's wearing a dinosaur "romper" and looking quite handsome today, and crying intermittently because he's overly tired and probably hot since it's HOT today. I'm trying to get some flowers planted when I get a chance, yellow and orange tuberous begonias. I'll post pictures once the project's complete. A perfect early summer evening.

It's Nice Out!

2010-05-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

Yes we needed the rain, but seriously......... it was time for it to go away. This weekend couldn't have been more beautiful, and I love that I've been able to enjoy it. Jonathan is here, too, which has made it even better. He got to meet Lewis, go on walks with us, hunt spiders, eat pizza, drink beer and laugh like crazy. It's been great.

2010-05-12T08:28:00.000-07:00

Lewis is on a No Sleep kick. My god, after 3 am he was awake at least every hour, and he'd already been up once before that ... after a wild bedtime process that didn't end until after 10. I know this is how it goes with newborns, but..............................ugh. I'm tired. And he won't sleep during the day, either, unless he crashes from sheer exhaustion. I just tried to put him down for a nap, a little less than two hours after he woke up - before he got overly tired. Wouldn't do it.
Now he's in his swing after a fifteen minute nap, fussing and moving his arms around erratically.

Anyway. In other, non baby-related news... . Adam and I have been watching the Celtics, and they're doing well in the series with the Cavaliers. 3-2, so if they win tomorrow night they go on to the next series. It's fun to watch basketball again. We've also been watching Dexter, which I LOVE --- . Watched an episode before bed last night and so was totally creeped out, but - I like things that can creep me out. Just maybe not right before bed -- !

My birthday weekend was a lot of fun. Went by so fast, but I enjoyed myself a lot. A funny thing: went to dinner at Sparkling Waters, and throughout the entire meal Simon & Garfunkle were playing....! So I got to hear them after all on my birthday.

Adam's truck is dead so I'm going to go out and see if he needs help. (Exactly how I would help I'm not sure.)

Until next time.

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

I am so, so grateful.

30

2010-05-08T08:33:00.001-07:00

I've always loved new starts --- New Year, school years, mornings..... So a brand-new decade is exciting to me. I won't be someone who hides my age, or lies about it, or dreads it. I admit it's strange to be out of my 20s, but..... it's good. Things are good.

What's not good is that Simon & Garfunkle canceled (well, postponed) their concert. I guess Garfunkle has a strained vocal cord or something. So, that was disappointing but probably a blessing in disguise.... the thought of a trip to the Cities with Lewis right now pretty much terrifies me. July will be better. Instead, my mom will be here to babysit and Adam and I have a night. I think we're going bowling, out to dinner, out for some drinks and a live band, and a hotel. With a whirlpool. A good way to celebrate.

Lewis is awake. Need to go. He WILL NOT sleep during the day....fights it like you wouldn't believe. He just fell asleep in my arms so I put him in his carseat, but.....no. No crib, no swing, no our bed, nothing. Then he gets so cranky because he's overly tired. Maybe a walk will help, and at least it's not snowing today.... !

Happy weekend, everyone.

Just One of Those Days

2010-05-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

2010-05-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

I totally hope your day is cooler than this poor guy's....

Rituals

2010-04-28T12:45:00.001-07:00

Lewis is sleeping and I have a couple of minutes to write, maybe. Maybe more, though he's been sleeping for over three hours so I'm sure he'll wake soon.
The big news: he's sleeping and we're at home. ! I'm getting things done. Most of the time (and today included), he needs a stroller or car ride to put him to sleep during the day and then he'll wake when we get home, so.....the house has been a bigger disaster than usual and I feel So frantic/disorganized.
So because I got to clean up a little this afternoon, I cleaned my desk. In the process I found a Post-It note with these words written: "I love the act of opening the curtains for the day." It was something I jotted down a week or so ago, for a blog entry, but then forgot about because there was no time to write plus the note got buried under a ton of bills/junk mail/pizza coupons. It was good to find it. I do love this morning ritual, though mornings right now are harder than ever because I'm so tired and don't know what the day will bring. Lewis is doing ok at night (though he wakes every 2 1/2 - 3 hours), but the days can be rough. He gets overly tired but won't sleep, and Adam's working from home and starts to feel that he needs to help when I let Lewis cry for two minutes while I get some underwear on (forget trying to look good ---- getting dressed is the goal. A shower is nice if it can happen.) Anyway --- we're laughing about things when we remember to !

I've been thinking about rituals since I want to get some for Lewis --- bedtime rituals, a daytime schedule. It's still too early, really, for me to expect him to nap at a certain time, but it doesn't hurt to be trying. I also want to get back to some of the rituals I had ---- my morning readings, a bath a few times a week with candles and music. I think it's important to have these things, just as it's important to be able to let them go and be flexible when you need to. ---

Ok. Lewis is still sleeping and I need to find a hotel room for May 8. It's my 30th birthday and Adam and I will be in the Cities for a Simon and Garfunkle concert. It's the perfect way to celebrate, and I can't wait. I'm nervous, of course, since it will be the first night away from Lewis and he still won't really take a bottle, but...I have faith that everything will work out. It usually does, somehow.

Happy One Month Birthday Lewis!

2010-04-26T07:36:00.000-07:00

Lewis was one month old on Saturday. Things are getting easier. He is smiling some and starting to enjoy life. It's true what "they" say about this, all of the firsts parents witness with their children and the pure, unabashed joy these moments bring. This is absolutely fantastic.

2010-04-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

We had a good weekend. Monty continues to be such a good boy with Lewis, and Lewis continues to be a sweetie pie. He's going through a very fussy phase, and it's hard to get him to sleep during the day unless I'm holding him or he is in his stroller, but ----- things are good. He does these cute little gestures like holding his hands together (especially when he's eating - which is pretty much all the time - he does this) and using his fist as a pillow.

I need to try to do the dishes while he's sleeping. Then I think I'll take Little Lew for a walk since it's so beautiful out.

Happy Monday :)

We Should Buy Stock

2010-04-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

This picture is one of my favorites of Early Babyhood. We had just bought... a stroller, that time? and we were both so cranky because we were tired AND the thing would not fit in the car. And it was windy, and Lewis started screaming because he suddenly had no motion ... . Adam ended up having to take apart the box and shove different pieces all over the car, but - it worked out. I just love that "Target" is in the background and that Adam looks so fed up. We are SICK of Target. :)

2010-04-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

I want to try to post something every day, but I know they'll have to be short. Lewis is sleeping in his swing - Well, no he's not anymore.

About the swing, though: it's been great so far. It comes with nature sounds and kid music, but Lewis isn't much into that. Yesterday morning, when he was super cranky/overly tired and the swing sounds weren't working, I put The Vines' "Highly Evolved" on. Put him right to sleep! It makes sense, that he would like the kind of music (often loud and charged) that I listened to while pregnant.

Ok. He's asleep again. I need to try to get the house cleaned up. I am not at all good yet at following the advice to "sleep when the baby sleeps." There's just so much else to do, including resting and reconnecting with myself and relaxing a bit. So......I am quite sleep deprived still.

But --- things are wonderful. Perhaps tomorrow I'll try for a nap during the day, but today? I'm actually looking forward to cleaning up dog crap in the yard, just for the chance to be out in the fresh air by myself. I'm also looking forward to taking Lewis for a walk in his stroller (which he loves) a little later.

I hope everyone's having a good weekend and able to enjoy the spring that we're actually getting this year!

2010-04-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

While I have a second I want to write an update - . We brought Monty home today and things are going well so far. Right now Lewis is in his vibrating chair and Monty is sitting in front of him on his bed, just watching him. We'll see.... . Monty is a little sedated, I have to admit (vet approved) - we wanted something to ease the transition. So I'm interested in how tomorrow will go.

My mom and brother were here last weekend, and Mom left Tuesday morning. It was absolutely wonderful to have them waiting for us when we came home from the hospital. I didn't think I wanted anyone here, actually, but since I was in so much pain (I did have to have a c-section) and just so much more overwhelmed than I'd imagined (as was Adam), it was perfect - . I miss them, but it's good to be trying to work out our own routine.

I've been tired, of course, but very much enjoying this time at home. The fatigue, though.......it's not a joke. My god.

Lewis is waking up. I'll continue to write when I can :)

2010-03-27T12:30:00.001-07:00

Here's our boy! Lewis Charles Bjerk, 9 lbs and 11 oz, 21 inches long, born 3-24-10 at 5:35 pm, little sweetheart :) I'll write more later, of course, but wanted to get some pictures up and thank everyone for their love and care!

Tomorrow's the Day!

2010-03-23T15:22:00.000-07:00

Wanted to update quick and let everyone know I go in tomorrow (Wednesday) at 5:30 in the morning to be induced --- . Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and stories - it helps so much to have this support.

I'm heading out for a walk because it's so beautiful, then back inside to get some things ready and just relax. I need to try to get to sleep early tonight!

Yaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!

The Overwhelming Conclusion

2010-03-21T16:28:00.001-07:00

That's the name of our Rock Band II band, Adam's and mine. Yes, it's been awhile since we've unearthed Rock Band, but these days.....? DISTRACTION is the thing. "The Overwhelming Conclusion" is one of the names the computer came up with, and we agreed it was the right one.

I am teetering between very cranky and serene. The picture in my head is of my teeter totter (I'm just now certain I've never in my life actually written that word) when I was little, the one my brother and I would play on until it rotted or something and had to be removed. Anyway, it's two versions of myself on the thing, and my partner (the "good" Me, the serene and calm and optimistic and ever-grateful because why shouldn't I be? one) hops off unexpectedly - probably to go to the bathroom - and sends the other Me crashing to the ground with a thud, the Me that cries randomly now (and I just don't cry much) and is a binge eater and a complainer (my pelvic bones/joints/whatever really ARE keeping me from walking normally at all:), a restless wanderer and a Screamer at my Naughty Dog and basically someone I fear will be a horrible mother. So I cry and begin the cycle again.

But not all the time. I am also noticing beautiful things (like these daffodils) and surrounding myself with them, and taking walks when my groin doesn't lock up, and eating some good things (like spinach salad and oranges), playing Rock Band and reading (The God of Small Things.......and trashy gossip magazines), belly dancing and crazy hip-hop dancing (Elvis, Black Eyed Peas, Martin Sexton), taking baths with a ton of candles around me, and being so thankful for all of the family and friends who care about me and Adam and our baby. Thank you to everyone who is thinking of us right now, and praying or sending positive vibes or just checking in. I appreciate it a lot.

It's a strange place to be in, this "limbo". I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow and have been struggling with whether or not to make the decision, at this point, to be induced. I will be done with 41 weeks on Wednesday, and everything looks ok so I don't have to induce yet. I certainly don't want to, but I don't know how much more of this waiting I can take - especially when it could start to negatively affect my baby. It's funny how everything you read and hear during pregnancy, everyone you talk to, tries to prepare you for the fact that things might not go just as you plan or hope. I pretty much disregarded it all because I was sure it would. ! But now....maybe not. I am just reminding myself of the end result and how of course that's all that matters. I just don't want to do anything to put our baby at risk, and I feel like I'm approaching this crucial point........do nothing and the baby could be less healthy for being post-mature, or induce and start crazy, unnatural contractions that could put the baby in distress and possibly set me up for a lot more pain than necessary and/or a c-section. I don't know.

Any advice from those of you out there who have been through this? Thank you!

By the way, we got a new recliner the other day ---- very comfy! (see above pic with Monty looking goofy---). So then I had to get a light with some shelves (it was my Task of the Day on Friday), so now it is a perfect reading spot. And feeding the baby spot, I imagine.

This is long but I'll leave it, and I'll quit being annoyed that the page suddenly won't let me leave spaces where I want to leave spaces. (uh-oh....teeter totter's crashing down... :)

Good luck with the start of the week, everyone - .

The Waiting Game

2010-03-15T16:32:00.000-07:00

Adam and I had the most beautiful day together. We're trying to soak in every minute of this precious time, the anticipation of our son as well as the last days of our time together as "just the two of us." Such a strange, exhilarating mix of emotions.

We started out the day by going to breakfast at a charming little cafe called Raphael's. It's closed on Sundays, our "breakfast day" if we do go out, so we'd just never been. Or maybe I had a long time ago, but I can't remember. Then it was our dr.'s appt. (no change....due Wednesday), and then driving around to see what else we might want to do. We went home, I changed into my tennis shoes, and we went to Bemidji State Park. No one else was there!! I love that, feeling like the only people alive somewhere so beautiful. We watched the lake, and a lone guy fishing out there, and examined all of the carvings in the wood of the lookout place where we photographed ourselves. We carved our own names on a section, although "A+L" ended up looking like "A+4" because I started to draw a box around our initials. Oh well.......funnier that way. !

I love love love this time of year. It's still light out at a little before 7:00, it's warm, the snow is pretty much all gone.... could it really be spring? I'm feeling sleepy probably because of daylight savings time, but happy. Going to watch Precious (which I've heard is disurbing but I think I'm ready) and then go to bed. Try to ignore the itchiness and numbness of my stomach, stretched so tight it's shiny. It won't be for much longer that I'll have this little baby inside of me, and then I'm sure I'll miss it in some ways, the safety and closeness and miracle of the whole thing. I want to catch myself more often when I find I'm wishing away time....

I hope everyone's week has gotten off to a good start. I have a Basset Hound staring me down and it's starting to unnerve me, so .... I'd better end here.

Sweet Things

2010-03-08T17:56:00.000-08:00

Adam's been so good to me lately. He bought me flowers, made me breakfast two days in a row, and ... keeps giving me hugs even though I'm nearly impossible to hug. I'm a lucky girl :)

Just a week or so to go! I only have four days of work left before my maternity leave...I can't believe how fast the time is going.

My weekend was good. I LOVE this time of year. I took a few walks yesterday and just soaked it in --- the sound of snow melting from houses, the smell of the earth being exposed, even the dirty snow and mud that's inevitably made it into our house thanks to Monty. All of it. Friday Adam and I saw Alice in Wonderland, Saturday I napped, Sunday I relaxed and did some laundry....a lazy, wonderful couple of days.

I hope everyone's week has gotten off to a good start. Bye for now - .

Baby Bjerk's Room!

2010-02-24T19:00:00.000-08:00

Emerging

2010-02-22T16:09:00.001-08:00

Ok. I just need to write. Once it's reached a certain point - my absence from the blog - I feel like I've got to write something great. And so the absence grows longer due to the pressure. Whatever. I've got to get at least one more entry in before my baby comes, and the dr. said I'm ahead of schedule......... I FEEL ahead of schedule, but I'm still hoping to hang on three more weeks. The fantastic news is that I've just about reached the 37-week safe zone....my baby will be full-term if born now. The hospital bag is packed, the baby room is ready.....I just need to get stuff done at school and ready my mind a bit more. But all is well. I have to get up to go to the bathroom probably....I don't know. It would be a fun game to keep a tally. Probably six or seven times during the night. I'll check tonight, and then hey --- there's a ready-made blog entry for tomorrow. How Many Times I Got Up To Pee Last Night.

I've been so lucky to have my mom visit twice in the past two weeks. She brought some baby stuff and then helped with the house chores I've neglected --- dishes, laundry, bathroom cleaning, and cooking meals. One of the mornings she left, she prepared a meal in the crockpot that was smelling delicious when I got home. I asked Adam that night if he wishes he'd married my mom.....now it's a joke. Tonight, as we were having something else she'd made and then frozen and after I reminded him that I DID make a quiche yesterday, he said, "I'm still going to marry your mom." Hey - that's cool. Then I'd have her around more. :)

Adam's mom visited a week or so ago as well and helped so much - gave advice on what worked for her and what didn't and helped me shop for some things we need. It's all so overwhelming right now. I mean, I used to babysit, but............. a long time ago. I've just not really been around babies for the past decade. Anyway --- it was great to see Connie, and I was reminded of how lucky I am to have these two women in my life...not to mention countless other family members and friends.

These are my favorite pictures lately, in random order because either the blog is broken :) or I've forgotten how to maneuver pictures on the page. One of my mom and me (and of course Monty.....what a surprise he's in for, about to be demoted), one of Connie and me, our freshly painted kitchen (Adam's been amazing with what he's done to prepare for and welcome our baby) and ...... me outside in just a sweater!!! It was actually warm enough for this yesterday, though I do press the envelope just a bit each year. Not just because I'm pregnant have I failed to write lately but because I'm SICK OF WINTER. I know I'm not alone here. I haven't been depressed - hard to be depressed when I'm looking so forward to meeting my baby - but......overwhelmed and stagnant. I hate not being able to take walks outside, I hate heavy winter jackets, the lack of sunlight, the cold...Ugh. So this weekend, when the sun was out and the temp wasn't "flirting with freezing" (I stole this from the brilliant Mary Quite Contrary....I love the phrase!), I felt more alive. And so I decided I'd better take advantage of the spark and post a blog entry.

Ha. I think I've more than made up for my absence. Shorter ones to come. I still need to post a pic of the baby's room!

Hope everyone has a good week - -- - .

Appreciating Nature

2010-01-23T07:35:00.000-08:00

I gave my students a weekend homework assignment: find one thing in nature that you appreciate, that you like. Notice three details about it. Come ready to share Monday. So I need to do the assignment too, and already I have something. This morning, as Adam and I were marveling at the spectacular (beautiful but quite frightening) ice storm that slicked our streets overnight, we saw a chipmunk bobbing up and down from a hole he'd dug. It's like he was checking to make sure it was safe, so he was in and out of that little burrow. We don't see things like this so often, living in town, so it was very cool. Then the chipmunk ran toward the street, stopped as a truck was coming and ran back, then straight up a tree.

If you'd like, comment and share something "natural" you notice this weekend!

Top Ten Most Interesting Things I've Done Lately

2010-01-20T16:59:00.000-08:00

10) Made a perfect cheese quesadilla in the oven when I was sure I'd burn it.
9) Watched Sunshine Cleaning cuddled on a huge beanbag.

8) Went to Avatar and sat in the middle of a row, then got up to go to the bathroom and molested everyone on the way out with either my belly or my ass. Then had to go to the bathroom again (long movie, smushed bladder) but sat and suffered.
7) Made enchiladas for the first time.
6) Got halfway through reading Up in the Air (so far) and am excited to see the movie.
5) Had a dream about my baby, that I had him but then the next day he was toddler-sized and talking, and crawling.
4) Experienced a charley horse, twice, for the first time in I don't know how long. Poor Adam is primed for hearing "Ouch" or "Oh No" in the middle of the night (already, sweet guy), so he freaked out when I woke up pretty much screaming.
3) Had a dream that I was picking my dad up from a Greyhound bus stop. I got there (the bus stop was right by the Paul and Babe statues in Bemidji) and then somehow, for some reason, hurled my car on top of the bus. Then I had to get it back down, so I pulled but it crashed and then someone kicked it into the lake. I was bummed because I had some sort of important papers in the trunk.
2) Listened to Jewel's "Angel Standing By" a bunch of times and designated it my song for my baby. One of my books suggests I have a song that's "ours", my baby's and mine. I have always thought it is beautiful, so I'm glad I thought of it.
1) Got out my red Converse sneakers and have been wearing them because they're comfortable and they make me happy.

The Holidays in Pictures

2010-01-03T15:08:00.000-08:00

I wanted to put this picture up sooner, but I'm still learning our new camera and the uploading system, etc. And I've been tired and lazy. But here's our tree.

Mom's bird, Sadie. Doesn't it look like she's looking down on some crazy city nightlife?

Adam's dad, Mike, and sister, Jessica - We went to Paradiso for lunch in Grand Forks.

My family before Christmas Eve Mass.

Monty's Christmas present, mostly for our amusement.

"This is my beloved and this is my friend." (Song of Soloman)

This is one of the messages I left for Adam today, our anniversary. I put little pieces of paper all around the house, in spots I knew he'd find them. This verse is my favorite.

Six years we are celebrating. I am very grateful to be so happy.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-23T12:27:00.000-08:00

Guess what my number one New Year's Resolution is?!
Hopefully I'll follow through and update more often :)
Happy Holidays to everyone, and safe travels. Adam and I are heading to Cook this afternoon for a few days, and then Grand Forks. Will be nice to see family and relax a bit - .

See you soon!

Adam's Blog

2009-12-16T14:44:00.000-08:00

Adam started a blog, and his first entry (the third from the top, I think) tells a great story. I haven't had much energy to write here lately, but please check Adam's out - It's The Ugly Christmas Sweater Story.

The End of an Era

2009-12-02T16:45:00.000-08:00

Adam and I sold the Focus today! Actually, it was Adam who did the work, but we said goodbye together. It's a huge relief, since it's been such a tough winter car and we've needed to sell it, but yet - it's strange to suddenly be without this huge part of our lives. For five years, it's been the only vehicle we've owned, so it's gone everywhere with us - whether we've been alone or together. We have driven to Red Lake in it countless times, jammed a Christmas tree in it and driven three hours, blasted Sublime and 311 through its speakers on the way to the North Shore, gotten lost in it, fought in it, laughed (a lot), transported Monty around and let him stick his head and floppy ears out the window, visited friends and family. It's been good to us. It has kept us safe - probably thanks to the clip-on visor angel Mom gave us (blessed with holy water) - through many frightening, snowy trips. I am thankful. May it bring good memories and safe travels to some other young hopefuls.

2009-12-01T14:44:00.001-08:00

Again I've missed my blog, and everyone else's, but I've been waiting for a time when I don't feel so tired. I think I'm just going to feel tired for the next few months, with my job and pregnancy. So I'll write anyway! It may sound kind of strange/loopy, but I'll just write. Too many good/happy/funny things surround me every day to keep quiet!

All has been well with my pregnancy - I feel very blessed. The reality is hitting both Adam and me, though, as I get bigger and the date gets closer ----- . This is really happening! It's crazy, the mixture of emotions. Mostly excitement. Today in the mail I received a St. Gerard medal from my mom. She has been wearing one, to help protect my pregnancy, and I told her I'd like one, too. Here is the prayer that came with it:

"...before you were conceived, I wanted you.

...before you were born, I loved you.

...before you were here an hour, I would die for you - this is the miracle of life."

-Maureen Hawkins

Go Vikings

2009-11-22T12:00:00.000-08:00

and mismatched rain attire. I love going home. Oh - and the picture would've been better thirty seconds later, when I swapped the blue knit hat for a neon orange one. Hunting season, ya know.

2009-11-07T04:19:00.000-08:00

Hello! Oh, does it feel good to be awake early on a Saturday morning. I am on my school alarm clock schedule, so I was "up" a little before five. I love the experience of not having anything I HAVE to do on a given day.....I'll forgo more sleep just for that. So I'm trying to catch up on e-mails, on blogging (so much for good intentions lately, huh?!), and on exercise. It's getting light out, and a walk sounds beautiful.

Halloween was fun. Not as many trick-or-treaters this year, so Adam and I ate plenty of our own candy, but still fun. Watched Halloween H2O. Not super-impressed, but it's kind of necessary for me to watch something scary on the holiday.

As far as baby news ---- all is going well! I had my ultrasound last week, and I found out we're going to have a little boy :) (I think it's funny I feel the need to add the word "little" ---- ! But I do.) I feel definite kicks and nudges now, especially when I eat Life cereal. Especially the cinnamon kind. I pretty much have to get a box of each, regular and cinnamon, each week at Luekens. That's been my main craving. No aversions, no surprise there. ! Oh - and pizza rolls I'm really liking these days.

I'm going for my walk because otherwise, very soon, it won't happen.

Happy Saturday, All!

2009-10-09T18:08:00.000-07:00

Adam at Bemidji State Park a couple of weeks ago, after our second picnic. We want to continue to go there, at least until there's a lot of snow, just to watch the way everything changes according to the season.

Me this morning, happy because it's Friday and because I'm getting bigger! The strangest, most amazing thing, the way my body is changing.

Apparently my baby can hear things now. Good thing it can't comprehend the nasty names I was called this week at school..... :) I'll share an example.

Student: "Asshole."

Me: "Um, you need to leave."

Student: "What? I said 'a-hole'!"

Twins are playing and I think winning. So far. Damn Yankees, though.

Happy weekend!

Surprises

2009-10-01T16:05:00.000-07:00

-I forgot to set my alarm Wednesday night and woke up at 5:50-something the next morning. My carpool arrives at 6:15. I made it.

-I made spaghetti last night and it was better than it's ever been. I credit my new cast iron pan.

-Adam's cooking dinner for us right now. I hear fish frying.

-I laughed today when my kids were being naughty. It was at the tail end of a very bad day, and I couldn't believe how crazy they were being, and I just absolutely couldn't help it. I think it lightened the mood.

-I perhaps felt my baby move. Or I have gas. Kind of hard to tell when first movements are described as "gas bubbles". Regardless, I'm beginning to be more aware of the fact that I'm toting this little person around with me to work every day. It's becoming comforting, an odd sort of companionship. I also notice that I stop to breathe more, to try to calm myself --- . I love it.

--My carpool planned a Caribou Coffee day tomorrow, when usually it's pretty haphazard and all but one of us has coffee (mine decaf :), or tea) already if we stop. So it's set. I'm excited.

-And ------------- Adam came running into the kitchen when I got home this afternoon with - a dozen roses!!!! And a chocolate bar. I am blessed.

Happy Friday, All!